Hold Me Close

“KK? Close?”, she says it multiple times daily. The almost 2 year old little girl I nanny, looks up at me with her big blue eyes, reaches her hands up, and asks me to hold her close. Nothing’s wrong, she’s not falling apart, in those moments she just wants to be held close.

I don’t always oblige right when she wants it. Things are always going on, what with trying to wrangle her and her brothers, so sometimes it’s a few minutes later than when she asked, but it’s always just for a minute or two. She just wants to be held tight, as if she just needs to know that she’s safe, seen, and loved.

And as many times as she’s asked to be held close, I didn’t realize the importance of it in my own life until a few days ago.

I’m not a huge touchy person. I enjoy hugs and comfort and all that but there are some days that I need to not be touched. It can all be too much and I need to be left alone.

But then there are days where I need to know that I’m safe, loved, and seen, much like little sis does when she asks to be held.

It’s really easy to fall into the pattern of independence: to do it all on your own, figure it out, maybe ask for advice here and there, but mostly you do it yourself. But then things happen, stress piles up, the world gets to be too much, and you find yourself looking for comfort and safety.

I know you’ve been there, because I have too.

I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. My own insecurities and demons were winning over what I knew to be true. I tried to fight them, I tried to ignore them, and I failed.

It was complete chaos in my mind. I couldn’t think straight or focus. I came to the very end of myself.

I found myself lying in bed, hands on my face, praying to God for help when the words just came out, “Hold me close, God. I don’t know where else to go or what to do. Please hold me close.”

And I can’t explain it, I don’t suppose I’m supposed to either, but there was a sense of relief when those words came out. A peace I can’t explain, as if that’s all He was waiting for, for me to reach out and ask for the comfort I needed.

And y’all, that’s what God wants. He wants us to need Him, He wants us to KNOW that we need Him, and He wants us to reach out and ask for the comfort that only He can give. Because nothing and no one gives us the comfort, safety, and love like Christ Jesus.

I don’t know where you’re at. I don’t know if you’ve come to the end of yourself yet. I don’t know if the darkness of this world has brought you to your knees in pain and agony; if you’ve wept over injustice, death, sickness, and sin. I don’t know if you’ve spent your nights asking God what He’s doing and why.

But I do know that He’s there. I do know that He’s there with open arms, ready to give you the peace and comfort you need. And it’s a peace and comfort like any other.

So have you come to the end of yourself? Are you wondering if hope can be found in this chaos? Are you ready to give it all up?

Stop.

Breathe.

Cry out to Him.

“Hold me close, God.”

Say it again.

“Jesus, hold me close!”

He hears you.

He sees you.

He loves you.

He sent His Son to die for you.

Take comfort in Him.

Hold close to Him.

Hold us close, Jesus. Because you’re enough and you’re better.